My First State of Flow
One Quiet Sunday Morning
I didn't have two-day weekends til I got to University. So during school the only true day off was Sunday.
I wasn't one of those weird kids who start the day by doing homework so that the rest of the day is just all fun and giggles (although... that does sound like a smart thing to do). Pleasure first, pain alway - my motto through my school years.
But that's another story.
That one Sunday I got up and it was quiet. Mom was at home, but everyone else wasn't. And somehow my mom wasn't mad with me and didn't have chores for me. She was just in the living room doing house stuff in front of the TV (probably watching those Sunday morning shows, you know the ones... if you're old enough).
So I just sat on the floor, turned on my giant Soviet TV set (Gorizont) and looked for a game to play on my Sega.
Sega, Airplanes, and Youth
Those days I was spending a lot of time playing one particular game: Steel Empire.
It was one of those horizontal scrolling games where you fly a thing and you shoot other flying things while they're trying to shoot you. The screen is full of stuff that tries to kill you. There's no stopping for dialogue or story. It's all pure non-stop millisecond reaction.
It was a 16-bit Sega Mega Drive II. So for my younger readers... you couldn't save your progress and come back the next day. You could pause. And pray that no one tripped over the wire and disconnects the console or that the electric grid wouldn't have a hiccup (happened a lot in the 90s in Chisinau).
In that game you could choose your flying vehicle: an airplane or a dirigible (aka airship). The airplane was fast, and small, and weak. The dirigible was slow, and big, and powerful. During my previous attempts at this game I had learned that I'm pretty good at dodging bullets if I had speed and small size. Power didn't really work for me in that game.
Another thing about this game: you could jump to any level. Even to the last one. I don't even think you needed to use a cheat code - it was just in the menu. But! (There's always a but.) During the normal play you'd collect powerups. Which are especially precious during the first several levels, when playing is easier, so powerups don't cost you as much. Powerups were improving your ammo and gave you more... ways to shoot stuff - projectiles would shoot not only from the front, but from the sides. And you'd be dropping bombs at the same time. So by level 9 you'd be shooting and bombing every-freaking-way. A war machine. And if you got there by being a little plane... well, you still had your speed and agility and small size to duck things.
How Long Can You Hold It
Back to our story.
That Sunday I got my Steel Empire cartridge, plugged it in, and started to play. I already knew most of the levels. But I had never won the game before.
So I thought I'd play it til I died (again) and then start my day by going out of my room (my brother had left home by then, so the room was all mine!).
And I played the game. And something happened. I just.... didn't stop til I saw the end credits congratulating me and telling me who worked on that game.
What happened?
I felt like... I wasn't in my room for a couple of hours. I was... the pixelated plane on the screen. I was there. Dodging and shooting and flying through tricky caves and waves of enemies. And then I was back on the dusty carpet. Light shining through the curtains. Walls full of cheap posters from the Cool magazine. Really - REALLY - needing to pee.
It Was the Flow, Stupid
Twenty years later I was reading about the state of flow and it finally clicked: so that's what happened! That Sunday morning I got the taste of how deep my focus can go. How it feels to be outside of time and space.
I've felt that many times since - especially during programming, writing, or drawing - but I will never forget that first time.
And they dare to say that playing video games is a silly useless activity.